Eryn With A Y

Be Present

The wonderful Jane rocked my world again this week with the revelation that Facebook is like poker. We go back to it multiple times throughout the day because now and then, through all the updates on someone’s smiling kids or how much someone else loves their husband, there’s going to be something truly interesting.

Have you ever come out of a Facebook flurry feeling depressed and unhappy with yourself and not knowing why?

Think about it. People only ever post up the good stuff on social media. Photos of smiling babies, check ins at six pubs in one afternoon, selfies of their amazing new haircut.

So, there you are on your couch in your undies, partaking of cheese and crackers, while everyone else is out there busily leading successful lives. No wonder you feel depressed.

I come from an era when I can remember Facebook on the weekend. This was before check-ins and the easy use of the internet on our phones. Social media traffic on a Friday and Saturday night was virtually nonexistent because if you were updating on Facebook, you weren’t out doing things and being successful. You were sitting on a PC in a dark room… in your undies.

So why do we do it to ourselves? It’s time to kick the addiction.

Start using social media to benefit your life, not to highlight your inadequacies. I started by unfollowing all those people who clutter up my feed with twelve updates a day on the minutia of their boring lives.

I’m also only looking at ‘the Book’ once a day, following brands that provide links to things of interest, and leaving my phone in my bag when I meet with a friend.

Seriously, be present. Don’t look at your phone when you’re talking so someone. You’re broadcasting the fact that you’re not interested in what they have to say. Curb your addiction and be in the moment, instead of trying to take photos of it.

The images for this blog post come from what I would term a worthwhile use of social media. Search #prettylittlepackage on Instagram, and you'll see photos of hundreds of packages being sent and received to perfect strangers.

Adelle of Where The Styled Things Are is the blogger behind the phenomenon:

As a blogger I have a voice in the social media realm and for that, I want to try and make a difference. Albeit small…but the small things count sometimes.

#prettylittlepackage is all about making people smile, a COMPLETE stranger! It’s about building friendships on social media, not enemies. It’s about going back to 1992 when we had pen pals. It’s just ONE small act of kindness to make someone’s day…

Isn't it just perfect?

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Bring on the Digital Apocalypse

Project #PrettyLittlePackage

Bring on the Digital Apocalypse

I would give up my superfast internet for you.*

*For the weekend.

This card was originally given to my husband and me as a tongue in cheek nod to our love of all things digital. We’re early adopters. I work in marketing and he’s a web designer. The internet is part and parcel of our daily lives.

The thing is, since I’ve been learning about ‘mindfulness’ and being smart busy, not crazy busy, I would give up my superfast internet for the weekend. Both for you, and for myself.

In the first Smart Busy session, Jane got everyone to share their most destructive behavior by putting it on a sticky note. I drew a little television. Sitting in front of the TV is the thing that gets in the way of me achieving my dreams. (A few people drew little wine glasses on their notes, which on reflection I should have done also, but for the purposes of this post I’m sticking with the TV).

Screens. They’re evil. TV. Compter. Phone. Internet. Texting. Social Media. People choose them as an easy option for entertainment. They’re the default activity for when we want to alleviate boredom.

Then we get sucked in. One episode turns into two. One quick check through Facebook turns into an hour scrolling down the screen. We watch TV until we go to bed, then we get out our phones and spend another hour on Pinterest, or YouTube.

Don’t get me wrong, these things have their place. Technology is a wonderful thing. Moderation is the key. And therein lays the problem.

We’re addicts. We’re looking for that quick fix. We’re not even aware of the extent of our addiction, and we’re definitely not aware of how it affects our daily lives and our relationships with others.

Have you heard of this thing called melatonin? It helps you sleep. Looking at screen prevents the production of melatonin in your body. Do you have trouble sleeping? How long is the gap between you looking at a screen and going to sleep?

Ever wake up on a Monday and feel like your weekend was wasted? Think about how much time you spent ‘screen sucked’. Were you looking at your phone instead of the kids playing at the park? Did you get stuck in front of the TV instead of trying this new recipe?

Do you always feel like there’s not enough time in the day? The reality is that you don’t make enough time to do the things you want to do in a day.

So, going back to my original point, I would totally give up the internet for a weekend. If you feel that’s too much, how about one day?

I did it. I decided to call it a “Post-Apocalyptic Role Play Day”, although it’s more commonly known as a Digital Sabbath, or an Old Fashioned Day. Mine has a bit more of a ring to it though, doesn’t it?

For one day, I pretended that everyone had been eaten by zombies and the world had imploded. There was no TV, no internet and no phones. I wrote a list of what I wanted to get done and I rolled with it.

If I was posting status updates, here’s what you missed from my digi-free day:

11.24am, Facebook:
“Wow. Just went to Spotlight and got fabric and ribbon both pre-cut so I didn’t have to stand in line for some appalling customer service!”

12.03pm, Twitter:
“I’m doing it, suckers! #digitalsabbath #internetfreeday #winning”

1.46pm, Instagram:
* Photo of my lunch. “Made the most amazing bean salad. Yummers!”

4.13pm, Instagram:
*Photo of my amazing DIY project captioned “Nailed it!”

So, really nothing I couldn’t have told you on Monday, right? And I might not have gotten all of it done if I’d gotten screen sucked into watching ‘Revolution’ and regretting my choice.

In fact, the only person that it really bothered was my sister. She resorted to texting my husband.

Lets Be Smart Busy, Not Crazy Busy

I'm trying this new thing, among many other things I'm trying at the moment. The thing is, I think this thing will help me get the most out of all the other things I do...

Yes, I'm avoiding saying the word. As soon as I say "Hey, I'm learning a lot practicing this idea of mindfulness'', you'll recoil from me thinking I'm about to launch into a speech about helping other people, being kind to the environment, blah blah, don't waste water showering.

It's not like that at all! At its core, mindfulness is actually really selfish, but not in a bad way. Read on, please!

I'm a part of a test group with 40 other people helping a woman called Jane do her PHD. Jane has a degree in Law and Psychology, and she's one of those pretty impressive people who seem to have it all together.

After my first session with her, I'm beginning to realise that not only does she have it all together, she can teach me to have it together too!

Being mindful is the act of being in the moment. Wait for it... (and think back to the second paragraph here), it involves meditating. Not the smelly hippy kind, the 'Hey, I'm a busy person who has a lot of things to do, but sometimes can't get them all done in a day so I'll meditate to de- clutter my mind' kind of way.

So, for a week I have to take two minutes out of my day and meditate. That's it. I let the thoughts come into my mind, accept them, and then go back to concentrating on my breathing and being in the moment.

Would you believe it works? Already I'm seeing an improvement in my mood. It's helping me be more patient, and pay attention to things that I'd normally multitask around.

Oh yeah, multitasking. That's another myth. When you multitask and move from one task to another, you're actually becoming about 40% less productive as your mind takes tome to move from one task, switch gears, and start another.

But sticking to a task requires this amazing skill that not many of us have. The ability to use our willpower to delay gratification.

Jane talked about this thing called 'the marshmallow test' that was undertaken at Stamford in the 70's. They got a bunch of four year old kids and stuck them in a room on their own with a marshmallow. They were told that if they could wait 15 minutes without eating that marshmallow, they could have another one when the test was over.

Needless to say, only one in four passed the test.

The interesting part for me came when they checked up on these kids when they were 18. That 25% who managed to delay gratification were doing great at school and in life. For the other 75%, the results weren't as good.

Let's put it this way. How many Monday's do you manage to stick stringently to your diet? Then what happens during the week?

I'm willing to bet that on a Monday, you're ready to atone for the sins committed on the weekend by not drinking booze and eating well (I'm basically describing myself here). Then by Wednesday or Thursday, you're thinking 'I've been so good all week... a little treat won't hurt', or you're so tired one night that you can't be bothered cooking so you go out and get takeaway.

Here's the ah-ha moment. Your reserves of willpower are depleted. You know that by not treating yourself, not buying takeaway, you'll feel better the next day and the scales will thank you for it. But you do it anyway.

Humans are wired for self gratification. We do the things that are bad for us to get the immediate gain, instead of waiting, putting pause on our appetites, and making the decision that will help us in the long run.

So, that's what I'm doing at the moment. Training myself to delay gratification. Instead of coming home and watching The Vampire Diaries, then being disappointed with myself because I didn't write that blog post, I'm going to write the post... then watch The Vampire Diaries.

I get to do two things that I want to do, and feel happy. Instead of one thing, and be stressed.

See if you can try it, delay gratification. Wait ten minutes before making that choice that isn't good for you. Give your mind the time to catch up and realise what your body is doing.

Be smart busy, not crazy busy. I guarantee you'll feel better for it.

Book Club: Beautiful Creatures Wrap Up and Next Book

I haven't quite got this Book Club thing sorted, its been a lot longer than a month since I wrote the original post. Whoops.

Let's think back to what I said in the original post...

What do I expect? Small town. Deep south. Magic. High school.

I want an evocative description of the setting. I want some evaluation of small town mentality and I want some spells that are a little less Harry Potter and a little more Charmed.

Well, the book certainly delivered. I felt like I was in the middle of the town of Gatlin, with the haint blue rooves painted to keep the bees away and all the wholesome cooking.

The small town narrative was extremely prevalent in the storyline, with the main characters Ethan and Lena fighting what was expected of them in the town, as well as the supernatural forces that were working against them.

And the spells hit the mark. There was just enough magic to be believable, and you were kept guessing just long enough to make things interesting.

The world of the Casters is well thought through, make makes perfect sense in the context of the book. At no time was I pushed back out of the pages to think 'What?'

The star crossed lovers angle might have been played a little bit too heavily, but it never crossed over into the 'Twilight' line, where I felt a little bit too voyeuristic reading about the character relationships.

Will I read the rest of the series? Yes.

Would I recommend it to a friend? Yes.

Will it make it into my Top 10? Probably not.

August's Book: Obernewtyn by Isobelle Carmody

This is a reread for me, but I'm putting it up as my book of the month because it's a story I want to share with you.

I read this book for the first time when I was about twelve. I think I've read it almost twenty times since then.

For me, it's the mind powers and the main protagonist who has managed to become a strong, individual person on her own.

I'm warning you now, you will enjoy this book.

Which Supernatural Boyfriend is Right For You?

I have a dirty little secret. I love to watch those type of TV shows. You know the ones I'm talking about. The ones with magic and vampires and a LOT of sexy scenes (sans shirt).

It's an extension of my love for Young Adult fiction, which I write about here, but this time instead of imagining the characters in my head, I actually get to look at them on the screen.

My husband doesn't understand it, but that's OK. I don't know why he loves playing video games. We don't let them get between us, but we like to be alone when we partake.

One lazy Sunday afternoon I was sitting down, watching the big VD (Vampire Diaries), and once again, the tried and true plot snag of the mortal loving the vampire came up.

It's a bit ho- hum, especially if you've used it at least twice in the last three seasons, VD.

Anyway, I was sitting back sipping my wine and watching when this thought popped into my head. What supernatural boyfriend would be right for me? Surely I've got enough self esteem to tell a vampire to get lost, the best choice would be an angel. They're nice and don't generally go on killing rampages, right?

So I got out my notepad and it turns out it's not that simple.

(I'm keeping Twilight-ology out of this particular brain train into my imagination station. Sorry fangirls, but I just didn't get it.)

Vampires We know they're undeniably sexy, but they're also undeniably killy. And if they've 'gone green' they almost always have... a past. Cue suspenseful music. On the plus side, if they've made some smart investment decisions in their long life, they should be able to support you comfortably. You'll just have to make sure you get really good at removing blood stains from your sheets, and be open to the possibility that some day he will ultimately kill you.

Werewolves Lately these guys have become number two on the list of supernatural creatures. Why? They're strong, but I bet they shed dog hair everywhere and will expect to sleep in the bed. Say goodbye to any hope of pets, or start naming them 'Lunch', and expect to be the main breadwinner. It's hard to hold down a job if you disappear every month for an undisclosed period of time. Then there's the whole 'what happens in wolf form stays in wolf form' kind of thing. What you don't know won't hurt you, and you're hardly likely to recognise a litter of pups at the park as his.

Ghosts   On the plus side, they're always there when you need them. But they've got little else to do. There's not many extra curriculars for a ghost. It won't be long before they start resenting you going out all the time, even if it is just to work, and pressuring you to stay home and watch DVD's with them. And having an ex boyfriend ghost? Not a good idea. They can still go invisible and stalk you in the shower. Plus, the whole no- touching thing? No thanks.

Angels Nice guys, but too nice? Even if you're not into the bad guys, you'll never be number one in your angels eyes. The boss upstairs is calling all the shots, and ten to one he's angst ridden about being with a mortal. Don't get me started on wings. Every time I've ever read about them, they're described as soft and downy. Have you ever held a bird? There's nothing sexy about a feathered wing.

Demons   If you're the kind of girl who writes to death row inmates in prison, you'll probably find these guys most attractive. If you're not, get away now. Satan is their boss and Satan is mean. Even with vampires it's possible to find a little bit of good lurking inside, but demons are a complete lost cause.

Witches Eyeliner. If they have it, you don't have them. Why can't someone be magical and not feel the need to go a little bit goth? Pros are they are a little bit more human, and can change the TV channel from the chair.

 

So I guess it all comes down to you, not them. Just how much baggage are you willing to put up with for love? Let's face it, they're not going to change. It's against their natures. (TV told me this).

200 Words on the Etiquette of Driving Someone Else's Car

I borrowed my husband's car last week. He dropped mine in for a service on the way in.

I got into my car the next morning. Everything was set to Husband Mode. Aircon at sub arctic levels. Lame radio station. The air vents turned off, and the inclination of my seat changed.

I could sense something still wasn't quite right as I drove to work.

So I got thinking and here's what I came up with for my moral standpoint on using someone elses car. You may:

1. Change only the settings that are essential for survival while driving someone elses car. Which means: distance of the seat from the pedal, rear view mirrors and side mirrors.
2. Not change the angle or hardness of the seat.
3. Change the radio station and aircon, but you must also make every endeavor to turn it back once you vacate.

Of course, it varies on the length of time and distance you use the car. If you're going to the local shops, follow the rules. If you're driving the car for a week, play it by ear, but definitely provide wine as a thank you gift (if you're borrowing my car at least).

The People in the Neighbourhood

I love to walk my dog. It’s how I relax at the end of the day (pre glass of wine), and it’s when I get most of my non- work thinking done. I brainstorm about things that I’m going to do while I walk the pooch. I also love watching dog on her walks, bouncing around, sniffing things and having the time of her life. It makes me feel happy.   It’s for this reason that I’m out 5-6 times per week and I come across the same people all the time. We own the street, man. I have the special nicknames for all the regulars and I wonder if they have their own name for me…

 

Let’s break down my list of the regulars that are out in the street doing their thing.

Bike Woman Sometimes I’ll see her more than once in a walk as she laps me. Bike Woman gets on her bike and just goes around and around the street. She’s super skinny and always wears a helmet, which I respect. After about a year I saw her walking with her family in the park, which made me glad because I did wonder if she was a lonely biker lady who lived at home with seven cats.

Running Dad and Son I see these guys daily around 5.30pm. The dad wears a shirt that says ‘athletics’, which makes me think he’s a teacher. The son looks like he’s about 18, maybe in uni. They run along, one in front of the other, and then switch. We live on the same street, and we know this because after lapping each other for about a year we passed each other going into our houses.Once I was driving into my driveway and they saw me as they ran by. I felt a little awkward that they saw me in my work persona It’s for this reason that I’m out 5-6 times per week and I come across the same people all the time. We own the street, man. I have the special nicknames for all the regulars and I wonder if they have their own name for me…

Angry Man/ Cool Dog   There’s this sixty year old dude that doesn’t merely walk down the street. He stalks, taking up the whole pathway as if he’s saying ‘This is my piece of ground!’I got that vibe off him right from the start. That and an air of extreme disapproval.I’m not sure why he disapproves of me, because he’s the one walking his dog off a lead. The cool dog, that saunters along, sniffing stuff and never straying more than three feet from him. She’s obviously the relaxed one in the relationship.Every time I walk past him I silently think ‘Oh shit’ and avert my eyes. I once made the mistake of trying to make eye contact and smile. Only once.

Beer Swilling Woman Seriously. She has a can of beer. Sometimes she wears shoes. She kind of meanders along while her little white poodle backs up onto everything and poops. Needless to say she doesn’t pick it up. She just doesn’t give a shit, unlike her dog. I admire her spunk, but I’m glad she doesn’t walk past my house.

Wierd Man With Spitz   The dog’s name is Lottie. I avoid her owner so I don’t get stuck in a conversation with him. I’m pretty sure he lets the dog ‘escape’ her leash and run over to other dogs just so he can start a conversation. I spend a lot of time on my phone when I see him coming.

The Phantom Pooper My nemesis. I’ve never met this person and their dog, but I see evidence everywhere. They must walk in the dead of night so no one can see the dog drop their business on the lawn of everyone in the neighborhood.The dog does very large turds, which kind of makes me glad because my dog is small and does small turds (which I pick up), but I can’t be mistaken for the Phantom Pooper even though we walk our dogs at the same frequency.I sometimes imagine getting poop bags and attaching them to little signs saying ‘Pick up your dog’s poop, you cretin’, then placing them at every one of the drop zones. I doubt they’d get the point though, since they seem to be going to such lengths to avoid having to pick up after their dog.And that’s the extent of them, for now! Until the next one moves into the neighborhood anyway!

 

Book Club: Beautiful Creatures by Kami Garcia and Margaret Stohl

Welcome to one woman's search through literature for the perfect young adult novel.

I'm addicted. There's something about the perfect YA novel. I'm in a never ending search for the correct balance of love story vs story line. A writing style that flows and a little bit of dystopia go a long way to making a novel a successful read for me.

I read on a Kindle Fire, on a brown leather couch in a room with a chevron rug and an antlered stag on the wall. At the moment it's raining and windy, so I'm rugged up in a hooded dressing gown and I'm drinking some Pinot Noir from the Yarra Valley (I only drink Aussie Pinot, anything outside Aus tends to have a woody taste that I'm not fond of).

Complete disclosure: Those are my glasses in the photo, but I don't wear them often and you'll never see a photo of me in them. They are purple like the colour of the book, so I cracked them out.

Do you like my photo backdrop? It's a wallpaper remnant my friend got me from Wall Candy.

Down to business: the book is Beautiful Creatures by Kami Garcia and Margaret Stohl.

Being made into a film doesn't give it any extra points, and I always prefer to read before watching. Despite the fact that the copy of Beautiful Creatures I have has the first 4 novels in it, I will only be reading and talking about the first.

What do I expect? Small town. Deep south. Magic. High school.

I want an evocative description of the setting. I want some evaluation of small town mentality and I want some spells that are a little less Harry Potter and a little more Charmed.

One of the reviews I read likened the voice of the main character Ethan to John Green, an author that I love because he's not scared to inject some intelligence into his characters. This bodes well, there's nothing worse than a flat character.

I'm intrigued that the main character is a teenaged boy voiced by a woman. Personally I'm not sure that a teenaged girl could be accurately voiced by a man, but I have faith that a woman can figure out what's going on in a teenaged boys mind!

Read along with me, and post your expectations for the book below, and we can discuss what you thought about it in the wrap up post at the end of next month!

5 Tips for a Fridge-worthy Photo

The humble fridge. The dumping ground for bills, invitations, children's art and those obligatory postcards from traveling family. Not to mention the faded and curling take away menus and, of course, some photos.

I don't know about you, but the fridge is where I display images that I get sent by people. I'm not a person that prints photos, it's digital all the way for me. My computer desktop is where I showcase all the good stuff.

A visit to my sister-in-law's place recently showed me the error of my ways. She treats the fridge as another display area. I headed to the kitchen to get a glass of water and ended up standing at the fridge marveling at the images she had on display, asking about the photos and the stories behind them.

Tracy jumping in Japan.

This led us to discuss what makes a good fridge photo and we decided to collaborate on our first blog post with Tracy, who is a photographer, taking the images and me wordsmithing.

We came up with these top 5 pointers for  a fridge- worthy photo:

1. Avoid a plethora of selfies

You want variety on your fridge photos, just like you do in your house. It can be tempting to print selfies where you look amazing and plaster them over the fridge. But then what you end up with is a bunch of photos with you doing your duckface on the left, on the right, wearing a hat, at the beach... you get the gist. Surely you do more than that in your life? Ok, ok. You can have one or two.

A first birthday party kiss.

2. Storytelling

Pick a photo with a story behind it. Once you start avoiding selfies, you'll find that there's so much interest with your photos. A friend of mine has an old black and white photo of her grandma on the fridge that makes you ask, 'Who is that?'. Or you might put up a photo of you on holiday in front of the Eiffel Tower, or at a birthday/ hen's/ engagement party. There's always an interesting story to share if you look beyond the faces.

*Side note: There's nothing more boring than looking at someone's holiday photos. Give me the highlights, not every photo you took of Buckingham Palace.

An inspired, arty image of a Paris street.

3. Clear of Clutter

You want to be able to see the photos. And while I'm definitely guilty of loving magnets a little too much, don't be tempted to cover your photos with them. It will detract from the image itself.

Daddy and daughter, don't detract from this sweet shot!

4. Bright, negative space

Some photos are made for a fridge. They're bright and airy, there's plenty of negative space in case of point 3 above, and they will stand out against a white background. Choose them.

Eve at the beach.

5. Design

The theme in your house should follow through onto your fridge. Unless you're a real estate agent, those helpful calendar magnets just don't go. Take them off and put them in a draw for when you can't find your phone and want to check what day the 17th June falls on.

Red door. Take a look back at the other shots and note the red theme throughout the photos.

Happy snapping!