Hiatus

One of my favourite words, hiatus means a break or interruption in the continuity of work.

My own hiatus was from three posts per week, along with a heavy schedule of charity work and a job that was going through a less than cruisey period.

This all resulted in a flair up in my anxiety. It took me a while to admit to myself that I wasn’t quite right anymore. All the signs were there: the continuous tiredness, the teary moments, and that loss of quiet calm that I’d gained two years ago when I started the medication.

You see, I thought I was fixed. Even though I told myself I was ok with my condition, I felt this failure in myself when the old symptoms crept back. And they did it so insidiously that it took me a while to realise fully where I was.

Thank gawd for one particular friend, an understanding husbang and a wonderful GP. They made me realise that I wasn’t a failure, I just needed to spend some time looking after myself.

My family and friends also overwhelmingly told me that I needed to cut back. Apparently I was the only one who didn’t realise I was spread too thin.

So I cut back. I took a week off work to get used to my new dosage. Even though it hurt, I resigned from the charity, and most painfully, I stopped blogging.

I’d fallen into this trap that made me feel that being productive, making things, contributing and being generally busy, meant I was successful. There wasn’t an afternoon that I wasn’t doing something. Meetings, crafting, cleaning the house and more. Then came the weekend and I had an even more packed schedule.

During that week off work, I did practically nothing. I may have washed a couple of loads of clothes, I did a lot of swimming, watched a bit of TV, and walked the dog. There were times when my fingers were itching to get into a project, but as a blessing in disguise, the medication dampened that drive to actually get up and concentrate.

A month down the track, I’ve re-evaluated and I’m ready to get back into it. I have regained that feeling of quiet calm that lets me approach life without worry. I’m back to being myself again. Yay!

I’ll be blogging, but I won’t feel pressured to be a three post a week gal. I’m taking my career as it comes, and finding more enjoyment in the day to day work in marketing again.

My time away gave me a new perspective that I wanted to share with you. For everyone out there who is feeling the same way I was, take some time out and regenerate. You’ll feel better for it, I know.