Happiness on Hold

We Westerners have got it all wrong. When asked what our values are, we say things like ‘To be successful at our job’, or ‘To lose five kilos’.

Guys! Those are goals, not values. They are an action item, not who you desire to be as a person. Values are our hearts deepest desires. So why aren’t we listening to our hearts?

We’re stupidly searching after the next promotion, or trying the new fad diet, working as hard as we can to get there, and then what? We revel in the feeling of accomplishment that success brings, and move onto the next thing.

Values are things like authenticity (valuing being genuine, real and true to yourself), connection (valuing being fully present with others), creativity (valuing creativity, innovation and imagination). Not being number one, earning the most money, and being the skinniest.

Those were among my top ten. Ask yourself what is inherent in your behavior and how you handle yourself in daily situations. You’ll have your values there.

Jane asked us three questions this week, and I had a eureka moment when I wrote down my answers. I was guilty; I’d been chasing goals instead of nurturing values. I was misaligned.

Here are the questions, I won’t keep you hanging:

1. I spent too much time worrying about…
2. I spent too little time doing…
3. If I could go back in time what I would do from today onwards is…

Go on, do it. Even if you do it in your head (although it works better if you grab a pen and face up to it in harsh, black ink. It’s a bit more real that way).

Are there inconsistencies between your values and actions? There sure were for me! The good news is that you’re probably already doing some things right, it’s just a matter of identifying them and taking out the stuff that isn’t helping.

Write down a list of ways your values are incorporated into your life. I chose creativity as my value. I have a job that nurtures my creativity, and for what is missed, I have my blog. I read things and follow other bloggers that encourage creativity.

So, how does that help me? When I have a choice to act on something, I will think of my values before making a decision. I won’t put my happiness on hold anymore, I’ll make the choice that will fulfill me the most.

I don’t think you can ask for anything more than that.

This photo was taken on a photography course, and is a perfect example of a way I was already nutrturing my values.